A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan
Bank, and says she wants to open a savings
account. The accounts person asks her how much
she would like to deposit to open the account and
the little old lady says, 'Three million dollars.'
The accounts person is startled, and says, 'In
what form?' and the little old lady says, 'Cash.
I've got it here in this bag...' and the accounts
person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big
grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with
This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts
person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this
one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to
handle it personally.
Once in his office, he asks the little old lady
where she got so much money.
She says, 'Gambling.'
'Gambling?', he says. 'What sort of gambling?'
'Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of
things, and I usually win. For example, I've got
$100,000 right here that says that by noon
tomorrow your balls will be square, and I'll even
give you 4:1 odds. You got $25,000 you'd be willing to wager on that?'
The bank president is shocked at this sort of
thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he
didn't get to be the president of the Chase
Manhattan Bank without knowing something about money.
'I suppose I could come up with enough to cover
that sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right
taking it from you...there's no way you can win a
bet like that!'
The little old lady just shook the bag, and said,
'I know what I'm doing...and I can afford to lose, though I'm not going
to. Is it a bet?'
'Ok, have it your way', said the president, and
they shook hands on it.
'See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning', said the
little old lady, and with that she left.
Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives
with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is
escorted to the bank president's office. The
president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one.
He'd gotten almost no sleep the night before,
waking every few minutes to feel his balls to
check for impending squareness, but nothing
happened all night. He had checked hundreds
of times that morning, but still nothing;
When the little old lady arrived he started to
relax, knowing he had won.
'Come in, please have a seat! Who might this
gentleman be?' said the president.
'He's my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want
to have a witness. Any objections?'
'No, perfectly understandable', said the
president. 'Well, it's now noon, and I'm still
unchanged, so I guess I win!' he said happily.
'Not so fast!' said the little old lady. 'For a
hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please drop your
The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees
that in her position he'd want proof as well, so
he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches
out to feel the organs in question.
'Ok, you win, here's your $100,000,' says the
little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As
she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head
against the wall and moaning.
'What's wrong with him?' asks the bank president.
'Oh, he's just upset. Poor loser if you ask me.
You see, I had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that
I would have the President of the Chase Manhattan
Bank by the balls by noon today.'