Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar. -- sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge

Mattie's Restaurant and Yogurt Palace, "An alternative to Good Eating" -- Restaurant Business Card from Decatur, Texas

Truth is that which cannot be proved false. -- Dick Morris

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. -- sign in a Moscow Hotel

Half this game is ninety percent mental. -- Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies team manager

We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover. -- Parish Magazine

I didn't know Onward Christian Soldiers was a Christian song. -- Aggie Pate, at a non-denominational mayor's breakfast, Fort Worth, Texas

Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl. -- Bill Peterson, football coach

They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off. -- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

Seafood brought in by customers will not be entertained. -- Restaurant sign in Langkawi, Malaysia