Maury and Lee were twins, and for their 13th birthday Lee got a bicycle while Maury got a little portable radio.

Lee hopped up on his bike and went to town. On the way, he sees the Schmittauer's house on fire, firetrucks, the whole bit. He spins around and peddles as fast as he could back home.
"Hey Maury! Maury! Guess what? I saw a fire at old man Schmittauer's! There was fire engines! firemen! and everything!"

Maury looks up and says,
"Yeah, I know, I heard about it 10 minutes ago on the news on my radio."

Lee scowls and jealously mutters,
"You and your stupid radio!" and storms off, to go riding again.

In town he sees just about the most exciting thing ever! Police, sirens, and all kinds of excitement, because the local bank had been robbed. He races home as fast as he can, starts hollering before he's even completely in the door,
"Hey Maury! Maury! Guess what?"

Maury dryly interrupts with,
"The bank was robbed?"

Lee scowls and storms off, muttering,
"You and your stupid radio!"

Well, this time he pedals clear through town, and out into the countryside on the other side. A few miles up the road he sees a poor little pig with its head stuck in a fence. He grins, parks the bike, climbs down the bank, pulls his pants down and gives the porker a porking. Then he races as fast as he could all the way home...
"Hey Maury! Maury! Guess what? I just had my first sexual experience!"

Maury looks up, dismisses Lee with a wave,
"Bah! In a pig's arse you did!"

"You and your stupid radio!" mutters Lee, as he cycles off.