his is (apparently) a letter from a HillBilly mother to her son at school...

yaarey Puttar, Vahe Guru.
am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved!
won't be able to give you the address as the last Hillbilly family who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
his place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.
he weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first it rained for three days and the second time for four days.
he coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
e got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral, she will COME UP again.
our father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery.
our sister had a baby this morning, I haven't found out whether it is a boy or girl, so I don't know whether you are an aunt or uncle!
our uncle Jatindar fell into a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for 3 days.
hree of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back. the driver got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety.
he other 2 friends drowned because they couldn't get the gate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love, Mom

p.s. I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.